Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
