everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it's like heaven, but drunker
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Couch. On fire.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
