i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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