dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
