went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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