Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
