all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
