you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
