His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
