there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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