idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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