I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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