i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
