she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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