That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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