You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
