In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think your dad took our porno
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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