Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
