These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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