sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
