just tell him i said nine months
what day is it and did you see me today?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
