Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Randomize
