Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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