You just made me feel so damn special
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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