You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
