Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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