I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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