did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
