And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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