Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
