I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
