Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
