he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
