Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
