youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
