Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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