I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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