Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
