if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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