so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Pants are for mortals
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
