I think I am morally bankrupt
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
