Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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