genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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