Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
