WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
