i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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