You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
