Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
