he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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