If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
