evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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