Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
