u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
