just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
