Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
