then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
