everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
