i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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