Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

At what point did I eat out of your mouth?

Fav 9 1253 4622
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(304): View more from West Virginia

You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon

Fav 5 5215 1638
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup

Fav 11 1325 4710
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(678): View more from Georgia

Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."

Fav 24 2049 14905
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(419): View more from Ohio

Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.

Fav 6 1246 2991
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(334): View more from Alabama

He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.

Fav 8 1731 4160
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(360): View more from Washington

Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.

Fav 33 3372 1265
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(843): View more from South Carolina

i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public

Fav 1 890 557
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(319): View more from Iowa

I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.

Fav 0 36 24
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