i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize