let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
