I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
