nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
