There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
