we're chasing vodka with high fives
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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