on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
