is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
