I wish you could order shots online.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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