I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
