Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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