some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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