This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
