This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
