It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
