hotel room ftw
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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