Say something about gay babies.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
