as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
