What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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