You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My vagina is officially offended.
Drunk is not a location!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
