i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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