I'm drive I can fine osifer
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am spending my child support on dildos
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
