she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize