It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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