wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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