i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
