Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
