yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
