I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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