can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
