ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
