What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Houston, we have a blender
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
