Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
