Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
